Sunday, November 29, 2009


Phil and I are in what he calls more of a "rebuilding period." This basically means that recently our relationship has goine through a lot of stress and now the pressure is off and we are in blissful mode. The reason why he calls it this is because the good times are what helps you go through the rough ones. He's smart like that :)

Everything came to a head this past Wednesday. God got us through and we have been on cloud nine since then. Thanksgiving was great and we did a lot of shopping on Black Friday. We got everything we needed and wanted to get and managed to steer clear of the major crowds.

Yesterday we went with his parents to the Christmas Tree farm and cut down a Christmas tree for my our apartment. Although we don't live together, we call a lot of things "ours" out of principle and love.

Today was more of shopping after church and Phil talking to my dad on the phone, while I took a much needed nap. Of course, I had a super weird dream and woke up feeling very weird and distant. I hate weird dreams and movies because it really affects my moods and how I feel and it is not good.

We are going to see our pastor soon because it feels like our relationship has been under attack recently and hopefully he will have some helpful advice for when we are going through our rough patches. We still think it's a great idea to go now even though we are having a great time since sometimes that is the best time to really work things through.

I will continue to pray for us and pray that God keeps us in His care and protects our relationship from negative things.

Monday, November 23, 2009

With Faith Fear Can Be Conquered.

I'm praying for a good outcome. This weekend was full of emotions and great realizations. I know God is in control of it all and I need to continue to trust in Him.

I've been doing great at toning down the wedding/engagement talk for the past couple of days. This has been incredibly difficult for me, but it is what is best for our relationship. As a result, he has been more open to the idea.

We also discussed his fears associated with marriage and change in general. Change is a difficult thing for many people and marriage is a big decision. It's ok to be scared with these things, but it is about realizing that the fear can not hold you back from something that is potentially good.

My intention is not to pressure him, but to be supportive and to help him realize that sometimes the biggest decisions and changes seem impossible at the moment and incredibly scary, but once you give it time and settle in, it is often something that is great and better than expected. Although marriage might scare him from the stand point that he no longer has his singleness and it's choosing one person and there are no "take backs" with the decision, it is ulitmately something that God created to be good.

I know that I love him and he loves me. We are always actively putting each other first and showing our love and respect. If we continue this pattern, it will lead to a lifetime of love and happiness.

As for now, I will continue to pray and exercise much love and patience. Good things are in the wood work and God is making it possible.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I Am Slowly Driving Him Crazy

Seeing as I am somewhat interested completely obsessed with getting engaged and married, it has come to pass that I am driving my boyfriend crazy with all of the ring/wedding talk. This, of course, means that unless I can stop and bring it to a more manageable level, there will probably be no ring.

This whole thing has been very difficult to me. When Phil and I started dating God told me he is to be my husband. I have this innate sense of feeling/knowing things that God tells me. At first I sat there completely stunned. We had only been going out about a month or so, but considering many other things in my life where God has told me what was going to happen, I didn't question it instead I told him. Note--this was probably not the best idea seeing as we were still new in the relationship and the thought of committing to one person who is different than you makes him a nervous wreck.

It was something we talked about over the relationship, mostly because of me, I'll admit, but we still talked about it anyway. At the three month dating mark, people started asking us when we were going to get married. It wasn't just people we knew, but strangers too. It happened all the time. This continued for quite some time and finally stopped when I sat there and asked some friends to stop talking about it. You see, when people start talking about us getting married/engaged, I totally obsess about it and can't stop thinking and talking about it.

Things died down for a while, but the past couple of months since Phil started his new job more people have been asking again. Of course with the new job I began to think that it was now an actual possibility. He was taking it all very well until recently. I have been talking about rings, weddings, marriage, and engagement EVERY DAY for the past two months.

For the most part, he seemed ok with it and even he had a little sense of this could actually happen. We set a time-frame for when to get engaged and married and I even told my parents who were inquiring. He even let me talk about it with my friends because he said that we had discussed it and it was our plan and he was ok with it.

I was all excited and we even made plans to go look at rings this Wednesday. I've been estatic and have even held off from asking him to go look anywhere else. Baby steps, right? But last night it seems it has all come to a head. I have been putting too much pressure on him and he is feeling completely overwhelmed. I no longer know about our time-frame and I'm not even sure if we are going to look at rings on Wednesday.

I did my best to stop talking about it immediately and apologized completely for my craziness with it all. It's not that I just want to be married, it's that I've found everything I need/want in him and that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

So, for now I have to do whatever it takes to not talk to him about it no matter how cool with it he seems. He said there is still a possibility for Wednesday, but we'll just have to see how he feels by then. He was happy with me not talking about it last night and was relieved to have the pressure off. He's still thinking of the same time-frame-ish, but I just need to calm all of the wedding talk down for both of us.

If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Things Parents Should Tell Their Nannies

When you work as a nanny there are some things that you need to know. Things as simple as what time the child/ren went to bed and woke up (if it is late/early), any behavioral problems that happen when I am not present, and when a new system or item is brought into the mix. Not knowing these things can wind up being detrimental to my day with the kids.

Things that have perplexed me this week...

1. Finding out from the school that an unwanted/not acceptable behavior has occurred three times. Then finding out from the parents it has happened at home over the past month.

2. Coming into work to find out that the kids have been going to bed late and waking up super early. Also finding out that the parents are not putting the kids to bed on time or having them stay in their rooms until a more appropriate hour.

3. The oldest (who is 10) getting a cell phone.

You see, all of these things affect my job in one way or another. I now have to deal with over-tired kids and a 10 year old with a cell phone. Why on earth does a 10 year old even need a cell phone? She is at school all day then at home where there is a home phone. She is always with an adult and never without a phone near her. I get to now deal with a million questions of how they work and how she got one and how come she can't use it whenever she feels like it.

Also, parents, please talk to me about things first...not your kids. It is the most obnoxious thing to have your kids telling me what you said when you won't tell me yourself. If there's a new rule I think I should be the one to know it first. And believe it or not, I have reasons why I do things...ask me instead of going behind my back....mmmm k?


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Disturbing Much?

Earlier today I met up with someone to just sit and talk. We talked about my job, my life, and my relationship with Phil. She has known Phil for a few years now and has really seen him mature over that time. She is a little older than us, but younger than our parents. She's played an important part in Phil's life and is a trusted part of our lives.

It's not a secret to those who know us, i.e. friends and family, that Phil and I are waiting until we are married. It is something we both belive and agree to be very important in our relationship. At this point, we have been dating 17 months and are still holding steadfast to our values.

So, this woman and I are talking about the relationship and how Phil and I are talking about marriage in the near future. She seems to think it is a great idea and that our relationship is definitely headed there. It is all positive talk for a while including asking me what type of wedding do we want...formal? Where would we like to get married and have a reception...etc. It is all going well until about the last few minutes and it becomes a little awkward. Here's the end of the conversation we had:

Me: I'm super excited to get married!
Her: Oh my gosh....the wedding night is going to be sizzling....she puts her hands up to her head...Oh my, I just can't think about that!
Me: blank stare...thinking did she seriously just say that?...Ummm, ya...I hope so.
Her: I don't even want to be in the room next to you two on your wedding night.
Me: Ya, I don't think I want anyone in the room next to us...can you say awkward?
Her: Well, you two are going to be having a good time definitely!...something to that affect
Me: trying not to be awkward...Ya, we are looking forward to it.

Ummm....seriously...why is she thinking about that? I had to sit there trying not to say anything awkward because that is what I do when I'm nervous, obviously. It was just a bit disturbing. When I told Phil he was shocked she even said it! I think the best part was when she was getting excited and had to say that she needs to not think about it...ewww.

I'm all for talking about things with my girlfriends, but this was a little different and I did not bring it up. I honestly wasn't expecting her to start to think about that and make those comments. It's nice that it will apparently be hot, but there's still a ways to

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Weekend Fun

This weekend one of my really good friends, Katrina, came up to visit me. She endured the 3 hour drive to hang out and help me make a Christmas tree skirt. Seeing as most of my good friends live so incredibly far away it was nice to have a familiar face around. The tree skirt isn't done yet, but we got it to where I should be able to finish it and if I need help, Phil's mom said she would totally step in and help.

In other news, today Beth got her promise ring! It is super cute and I couldn't be happier for the both of them. Of course, this makes me think more about getting married and surprisingly Phil's mom has been hinting/talking a little bit about it the past couple of days. This makes me so happy. My parents are already on board and it seems like his mom is now considering it to be something that can happen in the near future instead of just "someday."

Phil and I have a tentative plan on when we would like to have it happen and I couldn't be happier that he is starting to think about it and it is ok to talk about as more of a "when" instead of "if."

I still pray everyday that God leads us to marriage and I know that if we continue to follow His plans and guidance it will be something great.

Friday, November 13, 2009

On A Good Day

It's days like today that really make life worth living. It's days like today that make me look forward to more days just like this one. Here's a recap:

  • I had a relatively good night's sleep and was able to move around this morning without feeling like a truck just ran over me.
  • There was minimal traffic this morning allowing me just enough time to get hot chocolate and donuts on the way to work. I was also 10 minutes early to work because of said traffic.
  • Getting the laundry in and the boy dressed without any drama...enough said.
  • Finding out that because I switched my renter's insurance to my car insurance company, I just got free renter's insurance plus saved $100 on my car insurance because of the discounts!
  • Going to Wal-Mart only to find that cream of mushroom and cream of chicken soups were only 58 cents each!
  • Eating a frozen burrito for lunch while watching the beginning of HSM 3...again.
  • Not having to carpool the boy and the neighbor's preschooler at work thus giving me a total of one hour extra "off time" for the day!
  • Knowing that I have a great guy who loves me that I get to spend the weekend with.
  • Having my friend over for the weekend to do Christmas crafts including sewing a Christmas tree skirt for me!
  • Knowing we will once again have sunlight on Sunday!!!
That's all I can come up with from the first part of my day. What makes your days good?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Should I Compromise?

Last night one of Phil's best friends, Dave, and his girlfriend, Beth, came by to have dinner, fix my laptop, and hang out. It was a lot of fun since it was Mom and Dad R.'s birthdays too! It was so great to be able to have the guys talking and hanging out while Beth and I planned talked about getting engaged and married. We must have spent most of the time after dinner looking up rings while I gave her the 411 on diamonds. Yes, I seriously have studied and know that much about's an obsession at this point, really. After we looked at rings we managed to hop on over to look at wedding dresses and see what is currently out in stores. Beth's taste is a little more subdued than

It's really great to have someone who is going through the same thing and understands where you are coming from. I was able to show her exactly what I want and have been looking for when it comes to a ring. I tend to be a little picky at this point. I want something of decent size and quality as well as keeping in mind Phil's budget. I have narrowed down the type(s) of bands I would like and the diamond shape, but I have a huge problem with size and quality.

I know what "ideally" I would like, but I really don't want Phil to spend so much. It seems that if the size is what is most important, I will have to compromise on quality. The other alternative is to compromise on the size for better quality. I don't need a perfect diamond, just one that is worth the money he is going to spend.

Tonight we are hopefully going to go to the mall and look at the different sizes for me to try them on. I am hoping that I can find something that I will be happy with that will be a good compromise for the both of us.

So, with that said, which is more important...quality or size?

Sunday, November 8, 2009


Phil and I were fortunate to be able to go to lunch with a bunch of friends today. I was so happy to know that I am not the only one feeling the need desire to get married. Our friends have been dating probably around 6 months-ish and at lunch she was saying the same things I have been saying! It made me totally feel less crazy and more validated.

I talked with Phil and we gave more of a "time line" for when these things should occur. He has been much more open with talking about getting engaged and married lately than ever so that is definitely a good thing. He has even gone as far as going with me to look at rings to get an idea of cost, size, and what you can get for your money. I want him to get the best thing he can for what he wants to spend and I have every intention of obsessing helping him look and informing him of all of the options available.

We are definitely having to compromise on when is the best time for us to move our relationship to the next level. Phil feels no need to rush while I would have been happy to have been engaged and had the wedding like...yesterday. Lol. I think we have definitely come to a good compromise that we can both deal with. I want us both to be comfortable in the decision and not to be too overwhelmed by it all.

It still makes me incredibly giddy to know I am not the only one going through this and that a good friend feels my pain. I am hoping and praying that by the end of next year we will be Mr. & Mrs.

Friday, November 6, 2009

I want what I can't have

It seems to happen that I can't have what I want the most. Right now that is two things...a new apartment and to get married. I am completely ready for both of these, mind you, but it looks like they are both on hold for the moment.

I went apartment searching yesterday since I was home from work and feeling better. It seems that my price range yields some very interesting apartments...either too small, run down, or in a shady neighborhood. At this point I am starting to consider my current apartment a luxury one. I asked Phil's mom to go with me to one yesterday. At the end of it our conversation went as follows:

Me: I guess I must have really high expectations or something.
Mom R.: No, I just think you have expectations in general.
Me: Well, at least now I know I'm not crazy!

Ya, my expectations are things like a decent sized apartment that has been well-maintained, nothing fancy, and in a decent neighborhood. I guess that's too much to ask for right now.

On the marriage front it seems to be at a stand-still. I have been ready to get married since before Phil and I started dating. He, on the other hand, is not. This has to be one of the most frustrating things to deal with ever. I am completely obsessed ready to get married and he could seriously wait another few years. We are working on a compromise, but it's hard not to want a ring right now.

I feel like I am doing everything I can to show him that it will be a really good thing for us, but I feel like I am wearing him down and that's not what I want. Right now I am trying to focus on not talking about it and not stressing about it hoping that he will do it in his own time. I just wish that his time was closer to my time...which may or may not have been six months ago, but still. Oh's  he's worth the wait. I love him so incredibly much and know that he is the one God has for me.

Gotta just keep praying.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Sick Days

I've been feeling pretty sick since Sunday. I went to brunch with Phil and the family, but afterwards my stomach started feeling sick. It had been upset Monday and got really bad Tuesday night. I took off yesterday and got today off as well.

I am not a person who usually calls in sick, especially being a nanny. In my previous positions, my bosses looked down upon calling in sick and not working unless death itself was knocking at the door. I also, had never had sick pay, so if I was out then there was no pay and I needed the money. Luckily with this job I have a couple of sick days to use per year and my boss seems to be very understanding with me staying home. In fact, she actually encouraged me to stay and rest today so that I can get better faster, of course, I promised to go in to work tomorrow even if I'm feeling a little iffy. You know, I don't want to take advantage or anything.

So, here I am at Phil's house resting up, watching a lot of tv, doing homework, and chillaxing. Here's to feeling 100% by tomorrow...cheers!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Planning, Planning, and Oh, More Planning!

It's no secret that I have been working on finishing my degree online for the past couple of years. I am proud to say that in January it will all be over and I will have my bachelor's degree!

To celebrate, Phil and I have have decided to attend the graduation ceremony in December! The school is located in Iowa so we have a lot of travelling to do to get there.

Being that flights, rental cars, hotels, gas, and food is expensive I have been searching for hours to find all of the best rates. I have looked up the special "College Rate", AAA Rate, and even the Federal Employee Rate for everything. Yes, it is a hassle, but it is already paying off! Between using all of my resources we have been able to save $100 from the best "package" price without skimping on any of our "must haves" during this trip. I must admit, I am a fantastic online deal finder if I do say so myself.

I will be really happy tonight when we book most, if not all of it. The headache will be gone and I will be able to stress a little less about one more thing

Monday, November 2, 2009

This weekend in a nutshell

This weekend was definitely a good weekend. Friday was Phil's sister-in-law's birthday dinner, Saturday was halloween, and Sunday we had brunch with Mom and Dad (Phil's parents) and Gram. We stayed and played games at Gram's apartment and had a lot of fun despite the fact that I have been feeling sick all weekend, but I managed to suck it up and get through it only to now be at work all day watching a sick kid.

Anyways, here's a picture of us at the halloween party: