Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

I've decided that this year Phil and I need to start some traditions of our own so that when we get married and have a family we can continue with those special memories.

This year started off with going to a tree farm and cutting down a Christmas tree. It was a lot of fun and I think we have the best tree ever! It is so perfect and is adorned with ornaments from when we were both children and some new ones too.

The second tradition was that we each gave each other stockings and opened them on Christmas Eve. Phil was right on target with the stocking stuffers and really did a fantastic job! I got an 8gb memory card, rechargeable batteries (I asked for them for the wii fit board), Wii fit plus, a scarf and mittens, a kitchen timer, and a beautiful ornament. Oh and one more Nsync's greatest hits because apparently I have no shame with still liking them...don't judge me (lol).

The one tradition that I really wanted to do, but didn't get a chance to was to make Monkey Bread for Christmas breakfast. Last night after the Christmas Eve service and stockings we realized I didn't have enough biscuits to make the whole thing and was thoroughly disappointed since all of the grocery stores in town were already closed. Oh well, there's always next year!

We had a great Christmas Eve and are hoping to have a great Christmas Day too. I stayed over at his parents for nostalgic reasons and am awaiting opening presents. Apparently, we are waiting until after lunch which isn't going to even start until 1pm...yes, I am seriously disappointed because I love all things presents and giving them too!

I hope your Christmas is super fantastic! Let me know what you got.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Something's a little fishy here...

Normally I am right on the ball even to the point of knowing what I'm getting for Christmas. It has been this way for a couple of years now. I have been able to always guess and know what my friends and boyfriend was getting me. This year was just like the rest..or so I thought.

My friend and her boyfriend came over for a gift exchange the other night and I knew what they were getting me. Of course, this year Phil and I went shopping for my gift so there were clearly no surprises there. The only thing left is my stocking. This year we decided to fill each other's stocking and exchange the gifts on Christmas Eve just he and I.

I was thinking that he would be going out on Christmas Eve to do the shopping for my stocking, but he may have pulled a fast one on me. Today he went into work and told me that the trains were running on holiday schedule because of the snow storm, but it would be back to the regular schedule tomorrow. He let me know that he would be on a later train and I didn't question it. The guy is super honest and not capable of coming up with a good cover story...or so I thought.

When the kids and I stopped by his parents to drop off my laundry today and get their treats from his mom I mentioned to his dad that the trains were on a holiday schedule and he would be on this one train. His dad mentioned that there was an earlier one he could have taken, but that one makes more stops so he might have wanted to avoid it. Again...I thought nothing of it.

While I was sitting here reading his last email where he told me he was leaving work and getting some shopping done before the train leaves it got me thinking...Where on earth would he go shopping by his work since his car would be at a train lot over an hour away? I've been there and never saw a mall or any kind of store/shopping center within walking distance to be able to go to.

Then I decided to do some sleuthing because I'm nosy like that. I looked up the website for the metro and found no story on it running on a special holiday schedule. It also said that the train should be there on time and gave specific times as if it was running on a normal schedule.

This makes me wonder...did he use that as a cover story and drive to work? If not, how could he go shopping with no car and no shopping center within walking distance? Seems a little fishy to me.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Nativity Set

It's been a while, but I finally have pictures! Phil came over for a gift exchange this past week and we were able to get a picture of our new nativity set.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Christmas Time

Christmas is quickly approaching and I feel that there is so much more to be done. I need to clean the apartment and pick up all of the random things that are laying around from the trip we just took and wrapping presents. Aside from that we are having two Christmas dinners that we are hosting which means that we need to go grocery shopping and have everything done by Saturday.

We have a gift exchange/possible dinner with a great couple on Thursday of this week. Friday is family night dinner. Saturday is lunch and games with Gram in the afternoon followed by dinner with Phil's friends and a gift exchange. Sunday is Phil's dad's side family get together for Christmas. I work Monday-Wednesday of next week and we are having Phil's parents over for dinner Wednesday evening. Thursday is Chrismas Eve and Friday is Christmas. Saturday is his mom's side family get together in which I am supposed to make a pumpkin roll to bring.

As you can see we are super busy for the next week or so. I am a planner by nature, but there's too many things to plan and if I try none of it works out the way it is planned so I have decided to try to "go with the flow" for the time being and hope that it works out well.

I put up my new nativity set and I adore it! It is the Willow Tree nativity set and I bought it at Cracker Barrel in Iowa this past weekend. It had been on my wish list and Phil was not entirely on board with it. He couldn't see me spending my Christmas money on something that costs that much when it is only going to be displayed for the Christmas season. Silly boy! He seriously should know better. It looks so cute I might have to display it year Is that even allowed?

Anyways, I'll have to post some pics when I get a camera to do so, hopefully this weekend!

Saturday, December 12, 2009


It's official...I've graduated! Well, the ceremony makes it official, but I still have two more weeks of class after Monday, but it still counts.

Phil and I with my diploma after the ceremony.

And yes, that cord around my neck signifies that I have received honors with distinction! I'm not really sure how that happened, but I've decided that now that they have announced it, gave me a card that says so, and a cord, I'm taking it and not looking back! It was a great surprise and I'm super proud of myself either way.

I now have a bachelor's (technically in January) in Social Science with a concentration in Education. It has been a fun trip in Iowa for the graduation, but it will also be great to be back home and in my own bed.

Friday, December 11, 2009

On our way

We are sitting here at BWI airport heading to Moline, IL to then drive to Clinton, IA for the graduation ceremony tomorrow.

Today also marks our one and a half year mark of our relationship!!!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


I am seriously lucky to have Phil and his family in my life. I do not take him for granted for one second. I fully appreciate him in every way.

Today I went to the orthodontist to see if they can upright my wisdom tooth so that it will come in straight. The procedure they need to use is to put braces on four of my back teeth on one side to get it to come in straight and should take six months. The damage cost for this...$800.

I seriously wanted to cry as that much money means a lot to me. It took a long time for me to finally get on my feet and have enough in savings to feel "comfortable enough" with how much is in there for the time being. I just used a good chunck of it for the personal trainer and it was a decision that was thought through and discussed with my frugal logical boyfriend.

We are going to discuss the options for payment tonight and he has told me he is willing to help me so that it can be taken care of. Neither of us wants me to owe a business and he would be much more flexible to pay the money back to (if he let me).

I am so thankful to have him and to know that he will step in and help me when I need it no matter what. He is the most supportive and loving man in every way.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Tonight's plans

This was us on the Metro going to DC to look at the Christmas tree. It makes me happy just looking at it.

Here are my plans for the night:
  • Make dinner
  • Measure the kitchen table for a table runner
  • Sew a table runner for the kitchen table and maybe coffee table too
  • Plan dinner for tomorrow night...chicken crock pot meal maybe?
  • Make or plan to bake cookies for tomorrow night
  • Start making a list for Christmas cards
I have so much more to do, but that's all I can do tonight if even all of that seeing as I work late.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Weekend Recap

This weekend was incredible! We went to D.C. to see the Christmas tree on Saturday after lounging around in the morning and some quick shopping before the trip. And we had our first snow of the season...a good 5-6 inches! Needless to say, Phil was super happy about that cause the boy loves snow! I'll have to post some pictures up later because for some reason it is not working right now.

Sunday was great too despite the fact that we were exhausted from walking around the night before. The snow was still out and even though all we wanted to do was to lounge around the house all day we still went to church and boy were we blessed! Phil was finally able to have some peace about the relationship and was thinking about the future in a positive way! Praise the Lord!

Sunday night I went with Mom to the women's tea at the church like we did last year. It was a great time with Phil's family and a couple of friends and was nice to have just the women there.

I was able to get a few decorations today and put them up around the apartment. I only wanted a few to make it feel more holiday like and like it is my "home" so I'm super happy we were able to get it done!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Here's where we're at...

Earlier I went over to Phil's house to sort through the votives that were given to me by a friend for our know, the one that is impending so many things right now. When I went over his mom and I started talking.

We talked about our situation and how neither of us know what to do. We both agree that the relationship is a good thing for both of us and that it is frustrating that he doesn't see it yet. We talked a lot. Then dad came upstairs and joined in the fun!

Dad was very animated and gave his two cents (as he usually does). He agrees with us about the situation and really thinks it is time for Phil to see the reality of the situation. Apparently the whole family...Dad, Mom, Adam, Jen, and Gram all think we are going to get married. They all think it is a good thing and that is where we are headed. I thought so too until he couldn't even bare the thought of looking at rings and moving the relationship further.

We all know what is happening and why, but the reality of the situation is that he needs to figure it out for himself. I sometimes feel like banging my head against a wall and I overanalyze the situation until I can no longer think about it. Then I do it some more.

I don't know what to do because he wants to hear from other people what they think, but when they tell him he argues this, that, and the other because it's not what he wanted to hear.

Bottom line is that he wants what is in his mind the "perfect relationship" with the "perfect girl." I am not his idea of a "perfect girl" even though we fit perfectly together so he continues to obsess and overanalyze the situation and try to rationalize why it can't work and why it won't work.

There has to be a point where he sees that his ideas of "perfect" will leave him unhappy and bored. The pastor tried to tell him, a counselor tried to tell him, and I did too.

I guess he's just going to have to figure it out on his own.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Some Good Things

I must admit that I absolutely love the holiday season. It's much different over on the East Coast where it actually snows from where I'm from in Southern California. There's just something about the cool, crisp air with the lights, decorations, and christmas music that really makes it magical to me. Or perhaps, it has to do with the fact that I worked at Disneyland for a while and seeing the magic of chrismas there was spectacular.

The past couple of days I have been busy with having a friend over for dinner and a movie and cleaning up/organizing my apartment. I had been too busy the past two months being over at Phil's every day to be able to really do anything there. Hopefully I can get it done tonight and tomorrow and feel more happy and comfortable.

This separate time we are spending apart is really helping me to focus on me. It's hard on one hand, but good because I can get what I need done and not worry so much about what I need to do for him all the time. It's going to be an adjustment, but it will be good for us.

Phil has been praying the past two nights that this time will really bring out his feelings and that it will be a strengthening time for us and we can use it as a stepping stone for the future in our relationship. He wants it to work and I am determined to be as supportive as possible so that he can realize it for himself.

So, here's to the holiday season that is upon us...hopefully I will get a lot done and really be able to decorate a bit and make it my own!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Love Conquers All

It has overall been a good day and I am looking forward to my friend coming over tonight for dinner...yay! The only thing is that I can't help but think that my relationship feels weird right now. When I left on Monday after talking with the pastor I was hurt and upset. I didn't know how to respond to him on any level. I couldn't even look him in the eye. Now I am faced with spending at least three days without him not being able to hug or kiss him and let him know that it's ok. We can still talk on the phone, text, and email, but it's not the same as putting your arms around someone you love.

At this point I'm not sure I will even see him before Sunday morning before church. He's still calling me, but it's for shorter amounts of time and it's awkward. I'm really not sure what to say because I was instructed to back off and let him figure things out so I am trying very hard not to talk about it even though all I want to do is tell him that I love him and figure things out. I'm not so great at this whole not being in control and having patience thing. lol.

I'm honestly hoping and praying (along with many, many other people) that he figures out soon what a great addition I am in his life. I know he loves me, but he's too distracted with fear to be able to feel what has been hidden for so long.

Here's to continued faith and continuing to have good days and know that God meant it when he said love conquers all.

New Hope

Today I woke up in the best mood ever. I was filled with hope, reasurrance, peace, and comfort. I spent all day yesterday praying and mulling over the situation that we are faced with. I agree that he needs to really want to be with me more than anything else and that spending time apart will hopefully help with that. It's the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" mentality.

So, last night I did not go over to his house. Instead, I went grocery shopping, went home, put the groceries away, did the dishes, put clothes away, put blankets away, found all of the empty/half drank water bottles and started the decluttering process. I then took a bath and watched a movie in bed with my electric blanket after a nice phone call from a great friend.

Tonight I'm having a friend over to make dinner and just hang out. I'm not sure how to handle tomorrow, but Phil's mom said she would drop off my school book if I need her too. The one problem is that I'm not sure how much time to spend apart. I have a difficult time figuring it out. For me, it's either we spend more time together or more time apart--it's like two extremes.

We have so many people praying for us and I really feel so blessed. I am trying my best to wait on the Lord and be patient. It gets to me sometimes, but apparently this is one of the lessons God is trying to teach me.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Recent Feelings

I feel lost. I'm not sure what to really feel right now. I have hope still, but feel lost all the same. I have no idea what to do and how to act. It has been confirmed by our pastor that we definitely are compatible. He also said that he sees it working out and that the feelings I want Phil to have for me are there. I just wonder why he can't see it. To everyone else it is obvious, but to him, it is all clouded. I know he's scared and that's ok, but there comes a point where you sit there and see all of the things staring back at you. The realization needs to come and I am not to force it, it is something he must figure out on his own. We are supposed to have some time in the near future to spend apart, not from the relationship, but physically from each other. This is all in hopes that he figures out the answers he is looking for. I'm afraid it won't work and that he will be so confused. I don't think he realizes how good he has it and what he would do without me. I am hoping this is what comes about from the spending time apart. His mom seems to think that I have been really good for him and that he has grown so much and is a lot happier with me in his life. I want him to see that too. I am tired of hoping. Tired of praying. Tired of trying to figure it all out. I am at the last strand of the rope. I have given it up to God and tried to fix it still. This time I'm too exhausted to fight it and try to fix it all. God, you can have it, please take this from me. I love him with all of my heart and I know that he loves me. Give him the realization and assurance he needs. Show him the way, Father. Guide us on your path and let us not be lost anymore. Amen.