Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Days like today make me wonder if I'll ever get it all done. The oldest girl I watch had to stay home from school today so the youngest was put into school until 2pm which means there's a big chunk of time for me to get things done. I had a doctor's appointment at 10am and decided that after that we would go to my apartment so I can continue my "organization" project while she studies for school.

We were there for for about two and a half hours and I cleaned out my closet of clothes that are no longer needed, scrubbed the tub, moved my spices to the new shelf in the kitchen, cleaned out the old spice drawer and re-folded all of the kitchen towels/linens to go in that drawer, put the dishes away, and threw out so many little things that were no longer needed it was ridiculous! It sounds like a lot of things were accomplished, but at the end of the trip my apartment looks the same as it did before :(

It comes down to the fact that the apartment is too small for all of my things and there are too many small, random things to really have a home. I would love to get a new organizer, but it would take up more floor space and that's really not happening because the floor space is already limited. It also doesn't help that all of the flooring in the apartment are terrible and will always look dingy no matter how many times I clean them. I've even tried scrubbing on my hands and knees before and when it was finished the only thing Phil could say was "Well, it looks really....shiny." was funny and sad all at the same time.

Right now it just seems like this will continue to be an ongoing struggle to keep things organized and picked up until a) I have a bigger apartment with more storage options or b) We decide to do a massive clean and throw away a whole bunch of stuff. Either way, it will take some more time and I will keep trying.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Weekend Recap

Friday was awesome! I only worked 2 hours the whole day and was able to pick up the apartment, run to the grocery store, and relax for most of the day. As usual, we had the family Friday night dinner and it was amazing. We had crab imperial, snap peas, fruit salad, and garlic potato wedges. I love family dinners on Friday nights because it gives Phil and I a chance to sit down with the people that we love and reconnect and catch-up with them.

Saturday was by far our busiest day. We hosted brunch for some friends of ours and it turned out really well. I made french toast with brioche bread, pumpkin pie spice, and vanilla, veggie pizza, gorgonzola pizzettes, fruit and yogurt cups, and orange cream mimosas. Phil made the bacon and deviled eggs. I did really well with letting him make those and not After brunch, we went to a family friend's birthday party for their adorable little girl who turned 1! It was a lot of fun and there was tons of good food and sangria :) Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling well so we decided to skip family game night at Phil's Aunt's house and just relax just the two of us. We went to pizza hut for dinner and were able to have a great time talking and eating pizza.

Sunday, we went to church in the morning (of course) and followed it by lunch and running errands. We ended up getting a lot of things at the store, mainly because I had some really good coupons and didn't want to waste them, and had a quick bite to eat from the brunch leftovers before heading out to the Marriage Fellowship Bible Study we are involved in. Even though we are not married or engaged yet, we are prayerfully considering marriage and I strongly feel that God has spoken to me about this man being my husband. It is really helping with so many things and to be able to see other couples interact and tell stories has really blessed us both and makes Phil less anxious about getting married.

Well, that's my weekend recap...what did you guys do this weekend?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Back on track

It's been a rough few weeks for me gym-wise. It was tiring having the emotional rollercoaster going back and forth between gaining and losing and it not being consistent. Oh, and my gym buddy jumped ship and I'm not sure when she's going to go again. My average has been 1 day/week for the past 3 weeks...not good. Luckily, my trainer called today saying that she is back in town and is starting to train again NEXT week! I am so incredibly giddy about that you have no idea. I absolutely love my trainer 100% and was really sad when she had to leave  for a family emergency. I can't wait to get back on track and really blast the fat and feel good about myself.

My job is winding down and there's only around a couple of months left for me full-time here. I am so excited about that! Not that my job isn't a good set-up, but to know that God has something different for me is exciting!

I have a lot to look forward to and feel good about right now and that's what I'm trying to focus on when I get down and exhausted which is almost daily at some point...usually from the exhaustion. Once the gym routine is back on track and the weight decides to come off I should feel much better and back to my happy, hyper, super energetic self!

Thursday, April 15, 2010


The doctor's office called today with my lab results. I was super excited that it only took one day for them to process it and get it back so that we could know where the issue is.

And their conclusion: "All of your lab results have come back normal."

What? I'm pretty sure I didn't hear them right, but they said nothing was wrong despite my asking. At first I was super confused and frustrated as to why I have been feeling so poorly and there is no medical reason behind it. We are thankful that there is no serious problems and that I'm healthy.

Maybe this is just how my body is reacting to being heavy and once I lose the weight then I will start to feel better, but for right now losing the weight has been difficult and it hasn't wanted to come off--at least on the scale. Phil's dad told him that he is starting to see a little difference and that I'm looking a little better, but it's frustrating when it seems like the scale won't budge and all of my efforts have been in vain.

doing the right thing

The Lord has been speaking to me lately about something and I've finally done something about it. Phil and I are in a Bible Study called Cleansing Stream where it teaches you to fully trust and rely on God for and through everything that life has to offer. It has a lot of homework with it and a book called The Bait of Satan where it talks about how Satan uses different things like offense in our lives to keep us from God's will. It is an interesting book and has really been speaking to me about one person in particular.

I've been known to talk to people and let them know that they have offended me and that God has told me to let them know so that I can get over it and forgive them or if I feel that I have offended someone else, God will tell me to apologize and seek their forgiveness. So, it didn't come as a complete shock when God was calling me to tell someone that they did, in fact, hurt me because I've been harboring hurt and offended feelings towards them.

It's not easy to write or talk to someone who has offended you and ask them to forgive you for how you have reacted, but it is the best way to clear the air and really get past it all. I am hopeful that this person will receive the message I've sent them with understanding and know that it is not meant to hurt their feelings or stir up trouble, but rather to get it all behind us so that we can move on and re-establish our friendship.

Doing the right thing is definitely not always easy and can be the hardest thing to do, but whenever God speaks to me, I really try to take His guidance no matter how things might "feel" for me at the present moment. It is all in God's hands now and hopefully everything will be back on track!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

What i've been feeling lately

Yesterday I finally broke down and went to the doctor. I have been avoiding this for quite some time now because 1) I have no health insurance and have to pay out-of-pocket and 2) It would require blood work and I am really not a fan of needles.

As I suspected, they sent me to the lab to get some blood work done. For months I've been feeling exhausted daily no matter how much sleep I get sometimes this causes me to feel weak, shaky, dizzy, or just plain tired, irritable, and emotional. Yesterday was the straw when I was driving and things started to get randomly blurry from afar while I was wearing my glasses. When I called and told Phil about this at work he insisted that even though we had wanted to wait until I had found a job with health insurance to get everything checked out, then we had better get me in to see the doctor-- like, now.

The doctor was super nice and when I explained what's been going on as well as my lack of weight loss with the amount of effort that has been put in she agreed that something didn't seem right. She decided to check my thyroid because of most of the symptoms I've been experiencing as well as a blood sugar check for diabetes to see if I'm pre-diabetic since my sister and grandmother both have diabetes. She didn't seem convinced that I have diabetes, but wanted to check and see where we stood on all of that anyways. She is also checking for liver and kidney function as well as to see if I'm anemic because my fingers seriously turn purple when I get cold and that could be a sign of an iron deficiency.

I did really well at the lab today when they took my blood because seriously, I am the biggest baby about getting sticked (mostly with shots) and had the nicest phlebotomist that was there I swear. All in all it didn't hurt at all, but I'm feeling exhausted, dizzy, and was shaky earlier today and am a little weak as well. Hopefully, they will figure out what is wrong and it will be an easy fix (without needles) and inexpensive as well. That's my prayer for the moment and I am so thankful that God got me through today without totally freaking out. He's been here with me and I pray that He continues to bless me through all of this.

Monday, April 12, 2010

McFatty Monday--Revised

I went to the marriage fellowship bible study at my church last night and it was talking about attractiveness and how women need to be "attractive" for their spouses. Even though Phil and I aren't married yet we are considering it and therefore qualify for the group. The study focused on two areas of attractiveness--the inner beauty and the physical side of beauty. Since this is in lieu of a McFatty Monday post I am focusing on the goals for my physical beauty today.

It's been a tough couple of months for me dealing with my body and how I view myself physically. I will be the first to admit that when I go to the gym and see myself in all of the mirrors I cringe. I find it honestly disgusting and that is so sad when it's my body. I've been focusing so hard on feeling better about myself and even went out and bought some new clothes that actually fit and it did make me feel better! It makes me feel good about myself when I have clothes to get dressed up in and look nice. However, with buying new clothes, that only solves one of the problems and the body issues are still there underneath the clothes.

Because of this issue that I am still working on. I have decided to not focus on my weight this week, but rather focus on making healthy choices and striving to be healthy. I feel as though I have been making so many better decisions regarding my diet and when I see the scale go up I get confused, upset, and don't understand so hopefully taking a step back from that will help to refocus my efforts and give me some positive motivation for a while.

Let's look at some goals I want to achieve this week:
  1. Drink more water! --I've been getting better with this, but usually only do it for a day or two before I fall off the bandwagon.
  2. Only go out to eat a maximum of 1 time/week. --It's so easy for me to "justify" subway with the kids or something on the weekend because it's easier, but then I end up eating out a few times a week.
  3. Go to the gym and be more active. --Since my trainer has been out of the country for a family emergency and I've been getting depressed about my weight not going down I've really been slacking on this one and need to regain some focus.
  4. Pray more and think positively about myself. --God can help me through anything and that's what I need.
  5. Wake up 15 minutes early everyday this week. --I've noticed that when I wake up just before 7am I am much happier and can get a lot more done. Ironic, I know, but true all the same even though I want to sleep in as late as possible.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

On Being Healthy

I did not post a McFatty Monday post this week mainly because I didn't work and totally forgot to weigh myself and only went to the gym once last week because of the insane scheduling with the kids I watch and their spring break.

I made it to the gym yesterday for Body Combat and it kicked my butt. Today has been another long day with the kids as the two girls were out of school for their last day of spring break so I had them all day and the little man for all but three hours of today's work day which is a total of 10 hours.

Yesterday was a great day! I love every minute of my "extra" days off and feel so alive, accomplished, focused, and refreshed. I am super positive and feel on top of the world! Then there are days like today where I battle back and forth between feeling pretty good and not good enough.

Right now I feel exhausted from just being with the kids all day and the heat. We ran some errands today, drove to and from preschool, and had to manage a day of "can I do this? well, what about this?" I'm pretty laid back on these days and unless we have something planned, they can have fun and do whatever suits their fancy within reason.

I was watching the Celebrity Fit Club Season Finale during nap time while the girls played outside and watched a show and played in the basement and noticed how these people feel about themselves after the 9 week program they are on. It's been about 6 weeks since I've been more active and have been striving to eat better and about a month since I've given up soda and I still feel terrible. I look in the mirror at myself during the classes and am honestly disgusted with what I see and feel defeated.

I'm tired of putting in so much effort and drinking so much water that I have to go to the bathroom every 10-15 minutes. I did it for a few days a couple of weeks ago and today I'm going to make the 1 gallon of water a day goal! I'm hoping to make it everyday and that my body will adjust, but it's just very consuming to be constantly drinking water and feeling slochy. It's exhausting when it's so hot outside and all I want to do is go home and sleep.  I've been putting in so much effort these past weeks and don't have much to show for it and it is not for lack of effort!

I miss when I was younger and I was comfortable with my body and could do more physically. I am the biggest person in all of the classes I take and it is terrible to look around and see how much everyone else can do and the little that I can really do. It also makes me feel bad to see how many people are working out and are healthier looking overall. I want to be there, to be the one that is healthy and in shape. It's not about being stick thin--because I will never be thin, it's just not in my genes--it's about being healthy and in good shape to do what I want to do without being overexerted.

It's been a tough road getting to my heaviest and it will be even tougher to get to be healthy again. I will have to face all of the demons that are in my past and overcome them to get to where I need and want to be.

Sunday, April 4, 2010


That's the text I got from my sister today and it totally made me laugh because a bunny hops and it's Easter...get it? haha! It's been a great Easter Sunday and since Phil's family doesn't make a special dinner for Easter I thought that I would do it and invite his parents and Gram over for a lovely meal to celebrate.

I love entertaining and hosting, but I always forget how much it takes to get everything just so. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have a guy who will pick up the entire apartment and do the dishes while I focus on cooking for the guests and cleaning the apartment. He puts up with me when I'm stressed and neurotic trying to get it all done on time before the guests arrive.

It ended up very well tonight. I was up until 1pm last night doing the prep work and making the dessert and deviled eggs so that it would be done in time and we could still go to church. We had a lot of food for only five people, but everyone seemed to really like it. We had ham, corn pudding, deviled eggs, twice baked potatoes with broccoli, sour cream, gouda, and cheddar cheeses, and a carrot cake for dessert! I made everything from scratch well, except that the corn from a can, but I totally think that counts!

I am totally proud of myself and so thankful to my honey for helping me get everything ready. I couldn't have done it without him.