Thursday, September 30, 2010

Happy Birthday to You

Today is Phil's 28th birthday. It is his last single birthday and we made sure that it was definitely special this year. We were able to have a surprise party for him this past Sunday and he had a blast! Unfortunately, today hasn't started off well for either of us. He was stuck on a "dead train" this morning trying to get into work, which ended in him starting late for his shift. Luckily, he has "credit time" and can use some of that to get the hours in for today that he missed, but that means he has to accrue more of it for another day off.

My morning started with a big tension headache. It followed with pouring rain, hives on my hand, and ants swarming around my classroom. Yep, it sucked. I am praying that it gets better, but for now--it's a venti pumpkin spice latte sort of day.

Our plans for this evening are simple: I'm making Phil dinner and brownies (his request) and we are going to pre-marital counseling this evening.

Even though today has sucked so far, I still love him and am so thankful that he is in my life. He is such an incredible man and I couldn't imagine life without him. Happy birthday, Phil. I love you more with each passing day :)

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Wedding Day Hype...not so much

I was never that little girl who dreamed of her wedding day. In fact, I didn't start dreaming of my wedding day until I started dating. Even then, I didn't feel the need to have a big wedding.

I've always liked simplicity when it comes to weddings. I feel like the marriage is more important than the wedding. The wedding is just one day in your lives together while the marriage lasts for the rest of your lives.
It has been difficult for me when it comes to planning the wedding. It feels like we're wasting a lot of money just so everyone can "experience" our wedding with us. To be perfectly honest, I would be just as happy having a small ceremony with just the closest family and friends in attendance and a cook-out to celebrate. I still want the dress, a bouquet, cake, and pictures, but none of the fanciness is really needed.

Phil strongly feels that the wedding day is important, not just for us, but for others as well. I get it, really, I do, but the price tag is what gets to me....especially when we are still waiting to hear if his job will be extended past November.

Overall, I love planning the wedding and get excited when there are things to do for it. I'm sure that I'll look back and be so happy that we decided to have a traditional wedding, but for right now it's hard to wait. The wedding is pretty much planned and there's not much to do for a while. Despite it all, one thing is for certain...I can't wait to marry my best friend.

I'm wondering if anyone else felt this way or did they focus on the wedding day and look forward to all of the special events?

Monday, September 27, 2010

McFatty Monday

This past week has been crazy for me. It seemed to be one thing after another with school, open house, having a friend up for the weekend, going to a lunch-thing for a "pre-wedding lunch" with a friend, and Phil's birthday party. Yes, it was crazy and hectic and I'm definitely feeling it right about now.

I honestly can't remember how I did last week, but it wasn't great. I've been struggling with feeling like I'm starving all the time. No, really, it's pretty much constant, unless I stuff my face with fatty foods, then I just feel fatty. It's really a win-win situation, right?

At work I try really hard to at least do snacking and lunch right. I have tomato "soup at hand" cups in my desk drawer and bring a protein bar to eat. Let me tell you, this does nothing for me! Seriously, I might as well not even eat. Take today, for example: I had a soup at hand and protein bar at 1:30pm. At 3:30pm I'm starving and have some fruit and veggie pizza (not the "traditional" type pizza). It's now 4:16pm and I'm still starving.

This seems to be a daily thing for me. No matter what I eat lately, nothing really fills me up. I can drink water and it does nothing, except maybe upset my stomach.

The one good thing is that I've managed to maintain my weight from last week! I've been keeping portions in mind and trying to not eat unless I need to whether I'm hungry or not. Either way, I am still hoping to go grocery shopping soon and cook so that I have good food to take to work with me every day.

What do you do when you're starving and nothing seems to work?

Monday, September 20, 2010

McFatty Monday

Well, it's Monday again and y'all know what that means...McFatty Monday! I must admit that this week was better than the past weeks until the weekend. This weekend we were out and about for lunch and swung by McDonald's to grab a bite. Then Sunday brunch rolled around and since I hadn't eaten breakfast I was starving and ate a lot. To my defense, I still managed to watch my portions (except for the one donut) and could have done a lot worse.

I did manage to play in two double-headers for our softball team and quickly realized that my shins, once again hate me. Ever since high school cross-country, where I was the slowest person ever, my shins have ached due to the ever-so-lovely "shin splints." Oh yes, my shins ache on a daily basis while walking and going up and down stairs. This just so happens to make exercise super painful. On top of that, while sitting and reaching for something, I pulled a muscle in my thigh! I am the first to admit that I'm accident-prone, but really?!

Even with all of these things working against me, I managed to stay within the same pound I've been fluctuating back and forth with. Not too bad if I do say so myself.

And, as is my pic for this week.

I would really love to go out for a walk in the lovely fall weather, but with my shins hurting so much, it looks like I might have to hold off on that for a while and try to do a low-impact cardio machine. My trainer had to cancel for tomorrow, but maybe I'll make it in anyways.

Here's to better weeks and getting fit!
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Friday, September 17, 2010


Words can not express how thankful I am that it is finally Friday! Just knowing that has given me a sense of renewal today. This past week has been so busy for me and being sick was just the icing on the cake! Since this week has been so crazy I am really looking forward to the weekend. Why? Well, because we are doing a whole bunch of this....


Ok, well I'm sure we'll be doing something, but overall there's only two things that we are planning on doing...going to see the kids I used to watch and bringing the oldest her birthday present and softball tonight. Yep, that's pretty much it! We're going to try to keep the running around to a minimum and just relax this weekend. Doesn't that sound lovely?

I must admit that even though I love to go out and about, I'm really looking forward to some time with my amazing fiance this weekend. He's pretty happy about the weekend too since he loves to just stay at home and relax after his two-hour-each-way commute Monday thru Friday. He works very hard and needs his time to unwind on the weekend which, unfortunately, he didn't get much of last weekend so, we're going to fix that this weekend.

Well, those are our weekend plans...What are yours?

Thursday, September 16, 2010



It's inevitable, but sometimes I still long for the things that were once familiar no matter how good things are now.

I long for the time where I loved the little boy that I watched just like my own child. We would hang out and nothing made me happier. It was like he was mine and God was giving me a taste of motherhood. I loved him without regret and still do. It's been three years and I find myself thinking about him and wishing to spend time with the little boy who stole my heart.

I long for the time I had in Virginia with my "Life Group." It was such a great group of people that were able to come together and have the most incredible time serving God. The people I've met there have grown so much and are great people now. It's hard to go back and see how everyone and everything has changed and that I was not there to be a part of it all, but the changes are good and seeing how happy everyone is makes me feel blessed.

I long for the time when my sister and I were close. It was only for a moment, but it was great. I miss having my sister in my life, but she's married and lives across the country. Hopefully one day we will rekindle our friendship as it once was.

I miss having a best friend that I could see face-to-face and call for anything. I miss hanging out and knowing that no matter what we said or did, we accepted and loved one another. It's difficult living in different states from your best friend. People move on and friendships come and go. I hope to one day have that kind of relationship once again.

Most of all, I miss my relationship with my family. I long to see my siblings grow up and to help them through the awkward, teenage years. I pray that one day my parents and I can be on a level where they can see and accept me for the woman I have become.

Despite all of the things that I long for the most, I am still thankful and blessed to have this life that God has given me. I have the most incredibly amazing man anyone could ask for who loves me so much. I have a great group of friends and support system who have stuck with me through moving across the country and to another state. Even though I long for the things of the past, I long most for the things of the future and for the wonderful blessings that are yet to come.

Thankful Thursdays

Today I am thankful most for...
  • God. I know this is cliche, but without Him I don't know what I would do.
  • My fiance, Phil. He's so wonderful and I wouldn't want to live my life without him in it.
  • My job. Things have been better than expected!
  • My apartment. I may not love it, but with all of the decorations, it's starting to feel more like "home."
  • FALL...pumpkin spice candles, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin pie, the colors, the cool, brisk weather...enough said.
  • Friends and family.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Pictures say a thousand words...

I'll admit, I read a lot of blogs. I love reading blogs because they are like a little window into someone's life. It's kind of like when you go out and see someone and wonder what their life is like...well, blogging is kind of like that, but it's ok to stalk blogs.

One thing that has been motivating to me is seeing pictures of fellow weight-loss bloggers. It's great to be able to see the difference in a picture and not just to read about it. I think I'm going to join in on that bandwagon.

I've noticed that when there are pictures, it's easier to stay focused because you actually see what you look like instead of making up excuses (especially if you wear the same thing and use the same camera). Like this one time where I saw a picture of my mom and sister walking down the road. You could clearly tell it was them, but their was a third person that we could not identify. I remember us making comments like..."Who is that fat girl walking with you guys?" Oh, it was brutal, but after we thought about it forever, we realize that we knew that "fat girl." In fact, the fat girl was ME! Wow, you could imagine the shock and horror I felt at that moment. I was mortified!

Looking back on that moment really motivates me. I need to start documenting my progress weekly with pictures and see myself in a realistic way.

Monday, September 13, 2010

McFatty Monday--Making Plans

Blair is the original creator of McFatty Mondays. Each week she posts something inspirational to share from her own personal weight loss journey. This week she talked about making a plan for weight loss and you know what...I'm a little embarrassed to say I hadn't thought of that before. It's so simple, I love to plan every other area of my life so why not my weight loss?

Planning my weight loss isn't just about saying how many times I'm going to work out each week, it goes a lot farther than that. Planning weight loss means taking time to sit down and plan my meals. I need to plan what to make, when to make it, and remember to take it with me. I also need to come up with a back-up plan for when I get hungry unexpectedly.

This seems pretty easy, but when you are "on the go" so much it's hard to get on a schedule that will actually work. For example, today I was at work from 7:30am-2pm then at the staff meeting from 3:15pm-4pm. I had forgotten to bring my lunch and was starving because my breakfast didn't fill me up as much as expected.

Things like this happen all the time. I need to start setting aside some time to make dishes and get them ready to grab and go for days like today. I love cooking, but haven't been doing as much lately. It's been easier to go through a drive-thru on my way to the next thing instead of taking a few extra minutes in the mornings (or the night before) to pack a lunch.

It's about time I've planned my weight loss. It might be difficult in the beginning, but it's worth it.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Taking today off

Days like today, I just want to sit around drinking a pumpkin spice latte and just do nothing. The weather is a little cool and the rain clouds are formed right outside my window. I feel calm and at peace sitting here and quietly thinking. No one is home and it's a very calm, peaceful feeling.

Everyone needs a little bit of time to just get away every now and then. There's been a lot of change happening and this time to recoup is just what I've been needing. That meant not going to church this morning and I'm ok with that because sometimes you just need some time away from all of the pressures around.

Teaching, wedding planning, and being blessed with friends has been wonderful, but the constant pressure of needing to be "on" can be too much. I now this afternoon is booked, but for right now I feel content in being who I am and loving that there's no pressure to do anything or go anywhere.

I'm taking a step back for a couple of hours so that tomorrow I will feel refreshed.

What do you do when you need to feel refreshed?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

What NOT To Do

Finding people that you can trust can be very difficult, especially when planning your wedding! I've been very fortunate to find great vendors, but not everyone has had the same experience. Here's a list of a few things I've learned along the way that can not only help when it comes to planning your wedding, but with life in general.

  • ALWAYS trust your gut instinct! This has been especially important with every vendor/purchase we've made so far.
  • Never choose someone who is repeatedly late, makes excuses, and can't remember who you are.
  • You get what you pay for! Know what you can get for a bargain and what you should spend more on.
  • Use an expert for the most important things. When it comes to altering my dress, I want someone with experience who knows that they are doing!
  • Ask friends and family for help. Don't just rely on outside help when you have or know someone who can do that same or better job for a better price.
  • Be organized! I get a lot of comments and compliments for having the wedding planned already. Not only does it help the vendors, but you are less stressed overall.
  • Know what you want BEFORE you go to see the vendors. There have been countless times where the vendors were thrilled that I knew at least an idea of what I wanted. It makes it harder on everyone when you have no idea what you want and expect them to make the decision for you.
  • Don't be indecisive.
  • Trust the experts. You are paying them for their knowledge and expertise, so why don't you trust their judgement? If they say there's too much bling in the flowers trust them!
These are just a few of the things I've learned so far. They have helped me and I hope they can help you too!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

McFatty, Tuesday?

As we all know by now, I've been majorly slacking in the weight loss department. I did make it to the gym last week to get my butt kicked by my trainer, but that was it. This week looks like it might work out the same way. I see my trainer today, but I'm not sure about going to the gym another time this week.

I am hoping to get into a routine where I go to the gym straight after work. I work part-time and can literally SEE the gym from the window of my classroom. There really is no excuse right now other than I don't want to.

I feel like this is a never ending cycle. At some point I need to step up and start a new cycle where I don't let things get in the way. It should be about my health, not just pounds lost. It's easier to sit here and reflect upon it rather than to get up and do it.

I need to stop wanting to make others proud of me and to do it all for myself. The wedding date should not be a day of reckoning, but a day to rejoice in how far I've come and to know that it doesn't just end there. This committment has to be life-long. It has to be there when we have kids, not just so that I won't be the "fat" mom, but to show our kids the right way to do things. Exercise can be fun and if I make it a habit now, it will be easier in the long run.

I'm going to try to work out 3 times this week. It will be hard to get back into the swing of things, but I need to. I need to get back to the place where it felt good to work out.

Is anyone with me?

Monday, September 6, 2010

On Who I Am...

I feel like I'm constantly learning more about myself. I am always trying to figure out who I am and what I want. I'm learning that it is ok for me to be me. It's ok for me to not always be sure of what I want or who I am--that's part of life. Things are constantly changing and so am I.

I know that no matter what, Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I love the smells, the weather, the leaves changing colors, and all things pumpkin. It feels magical to me and very comfortable. This past weekend has felt like Fall and I love it.

Christmas is my second favorite season. I know, it should be winter, but it's honestly the Christmas season that I love. The lights, peppermint, hot chocolate, spirit of giving, and general warm fuzzies that I get during this time of year is what makes it special to me.

I love ice cream any time of the year.

Candles make me happy, particularly the ones that smell great.

I love being crafty. I don't do this so much anymore, but hopefully one day soon it will be more often.

Going to dinner/lunch/coffee/playing games with friends. Nothing is better than getting together with one or two of my best girl friends and having a date.

I love going out of my way to make someone else's day better.

I love getting into a great book and finding out it is part of an amazing series.

I love knowing that in only five-ish months, I will be marrying the man of my dreams.

These are just a few of the things that I love and will always love. My list is ever growing and ever changing, but these things are just a little part of what makes

Thursday, September 2, 2010


It's hard to believe that tomorrow will complete my first week of teaching. It doesn't feel like this is actually happening, but it is. I am a full-fledged teacher. I stand in the front of the class talking about grammar, vocabulary, and literature. I give assignments, grade papers, and lesson plan. I have a total of 19 students for the three classes and 4 students in the computer lab. Needless to say, I teach.

This past week I have really loved my job. I love getting dressed for work and going in a little early to make sure that I have everything needed for the day. I love going to devotions/staff meetings in the morning. I love having co-workers again and the adult interaction that comes with it. I love coming up with fun ways to make learning exciting and seeing the kids enjoy themselves while knowing that they are still learning. I pretty much love my job.

There's only one thing that's been difficult. I feel like I'm playing pretend. I feel like everyday when I get in front of the class I "fake it" and hope the kids learn something. I know this isn't true, but that's how I feel.

I have proof that what I teach is affecting the students and they are learning what they are being taught. I can tell when the 6th graders understand the vocab words, use it in a sentence, and can act it out...two days later. I can tell when the 7th graders take their first reading/vocab/grammar quiz on the story and they all get an A or B. I can tell when the 10th graders point out the capitalization rules during the game we play and correct each other. This is how I know what I'm doing works.

I wonder when it's all going to feel real. When I'm not going to feel like I'm playing "teacher" and "dress up" and when it's going to sink in that this is my life and that it's ok to have so many blessings and good things happening. My life has turned around dramatically and sometimes it's just hard to take in. I am blessed beyond measure and know that God is with me every step of the way.

Has anyone else ever felt like they were "pretending?"